The Balancing Act of Mommy Self-care

Self-care is super important. The saying is true: You can’t pour from an empty cup. You are able to help others around you more when you are happy and healthy – mind, body and soul.  With many stressors throughout our day it takes intentional effort to find positive things that counteract stress and make you feel calm and centered.

For me it was fitness, yoga, happy hour with friends, and maybe a day at the spa. That was until I had children.  I didn’t realize how much I relied on those things for my mental and emotional well-being until after I had kids.  Until then they were just a part of my routine.

After having my first child, I no longer had the time or flexibility to have much of a self-care routine. However, I found that if I could just get a shower, a nap, and a small workout all in one day I would feel like a person again for a little bit.  So that became my goal.  Some days I could get one or two of them, occasionally none at all, but those days I could get all three were amazing and would recharge my soul.   

Then, after having my second child two years later, I had that same small self-care goal: shower, workout and nap… And let me tell you they did not happen often.  Between the exhaustion from having my second poor sleeper, working around a toddler and baby schedule, trying to be a good part-time employee and full-time mom, and limited funds, my self-care went out the window.  It hit me like a freight train how important self-care was when I had none at all. I was trying to pour from an empty cup and as much as I’d like to think I hid it well, I’m pretty sure everyone around me could tell.  Lack of self-care does a number on my patience!

I had to adjust and redefine my self-care again before I lost myself completely.

It took some time to let go of wanting my old self-care routine back but I had to work with where I was.  I realized that if I went upstairs at night a few minutes before everyone else and read a book, wrote in a gratitude journal (I got this one for only $6.99) or did some relaxation exercises, that was enough to help me find a little inner calm.  So I made that my new self-care routine.  It got me through those tough months.  

Eventually, as the kids grew and their schedules changed I was able to start doing a few workouts per week at home while they napped, ones I now share with all my mommy clients.  I was also able to get in a few naps and shower regularly (you’re welcome).   And now, a little over two years later, I still make self-care a priority. I may never have the time or freedom to work out two hours per day or catch a happy hour without planning it weeks in advance, but I am scheduling enough time for me to recharge and making sure it happens. 

For anyone in the middle of trying to figure out this balancing act of Mommy Self-care, here are a few tips that helped me along the way:

Set Goals and Have a Plan. 

It may be a goal of a shower, a workout and a nap. It may be eating a healthy meal and reading a chapter in a new book (Bunmi Laditan’sConfessions of a Domestic Failure was silly and perfect for me at the time).  Find whatever you feel is beneficial and attainable for you then work towards those goals by setting specific times and boundaries around that time.  

Let Go of What You Can’t Control. 

When you have children to care for sometimes things out of your control like illness or cranky growth spurts come out of nowhere and get in the way of your self-care routine for that day or week.  Because self-care is about long term physical and mental health, it is important to not let one set back send you into a downward spiral.  Support your family and then make next week even better. 

Eat Healthy.

Don’t underestimate the power of your food choices when it comes to easy and attainable mommy self-care.  Cutting out processed foods and sugar, eating lots of fresh fruits and veggies, and including some helpful vitamins can improve your energy and mood incredibly.  I would stock up on ingredients for 7 Crock-Pot Freezer Meals, double it and have 14 healthy freezer meals ready to go for when I was too tired to cook dinner. This is something I still do when I know I have a busy week coming up and bonus – it helps our family save on our food budget! 

Stay Positive.  

Don’t doubt that you will find yourself again.  Remind yourself that the children will eventually grow and become more independent and open more options but for a while self-care might just mean taking a shower, and that’s ok! 

Let Go of Mom Guilt. 

By taking care of yourself you are being a good parent and setting the example for you children so they’ll learn to take care of themselves too. You’ll also have more patience for them and everyone else! 

And for those Mommas with older children who feel they have lost themselves along the way…

It’s Never Too Late.
 

Start now.  In the morning, before you help anyone else with anything, go on a walk.  Even for just 10 minutes.  Listen to the birds, feel the breeze and take that time for yourself.  With a self-care plan, you can find balance and get back to where you want to be.  

Why Moms Make the Worst Clients, and Why I’ll Never Stop Training Them

Originally Published on www.richmonddoulas.org    

I’ve been a Personal Trainer for over 8 years. After having my first child 4 years ago, I saw how different my body was and took a course in Pre and Post-Natal Fitness with the goal to help other moms through those changes. Little did I know Moms would become some of my favorite yet worst clients. See, Personal Trainers that work at gyms only get paid after they train a session with a client, and I soon saw my paycheck take a hit. Here’s why…

Moms are nurses.  

They are the primary caregivers when children get sick. During the months of November through March, my mom clients are 75% more likely than other clients to have to cancel their session to be able to stay home to take care of a sick child.

Moms are chauffeurs.  

When it comes to extracurricular activities for children, moms are the primary transportation. They take them to soccer, cheerleading practice, and often have to cancel a session when there’s a game or competition.

Moms are helpers.   

The classroom holiday party, PTA meeting, or last minute school projects come up and moms cancel their sessions in order to help out.

Throw in a few cancellations for the many other jobs moms do and sometimes just not being able to fit it all in and you can see why it’s tough for a trainer to count on Mom clients to be able to make a living.

But here’s why I will never stop training them, even though it might not be the best for my bank account…

Moms need support and encouragement.

Being a mom is challenging, especially when children are young. We often put the needs of others in front of our own.  It is so important, though, to continue to take care of our health.  I tell my mom clients you will often find yourself taking two steps forward and one step back, but as long as you keep going, you will eventually find yourself in a better place. One day the kids will be grown and you will have freedom back in your schedule.  And at that time you need to make sure you don’t find yourself in a place where you don’t recognize yourself or are facing preventable health concerns. So keep steppin’ Momma, you’ve got this!

Moms need help and guidance.

We often feel pressure to be the best mom, with little direction.  It can be stressful and exhausting having to constantly research and make decisions for our families. Often, there’s not enough energy left over to learn about how to take care of ourselves.  Our bodies change after having children, sometimes in ways we aren’t even aware of, and it can be confusing.  Luckily, I’ve learned some of the best exercises to support my mom clients, so you can leave the thinking to me when it comes to your fitness routine.  You can feel confident that you will be getting healthy and strong while working through those changes.  That means no more sit ups!

Most importantly, Moms need Moms.

If you need to come and cry about how hard it is to juggle all the demands of being a mom while I take you through an awesome workout, let’s do it.  I’ve cried about it too, and I’m proud of you for showing up!  If you cancel on me for the 3rd time in 3 weeks because another one of your kids is sick again, I get it.  Mine will probably pick up the same cold in a few days.  I have some great workouts you can do at home!  Whatever my mom clients are going through, I listen without judgment because I know mommin’ can be tough. We are getting through it together and coming out stronger on the other side.